The first week of January is evidently the busiest week of the year for divorce solicitors....it is also the busiest time of year for dating agencies, fitness clubs, weight loss groups and lifestyle advisors of every description.
Is this because we think new year, new me?
Is it because we think that magic click of the calendar will make the change more viable?
Or is it simply the visible evidence of time passing that makes us so determined to not waste another second doing something we don't want to do, being someone we don't want to be, spend our lives with someone we no longer want to spend time with.
What is certain is that we will have spent most of the preceeding year, now gone, thinking about making the change and building our determination to make it happen.
Life changing decisions are usually precedented by other life changing events which prompt us to reassess, think again, take a fresh look.
So to all fresh starters in 2012 - happy new year and good luck.

Dear Me

I was asked to write a letter to myself aged 16 yesterday by the guys at BBC5Live.
My letter read:
You will never know it all - although you think you do.
Guilt doesn't work.
Regret doesn't work.
If you have inner doubts, listen hard and make them your outer screams, don't bury them to worry about later.
Hindsight isn't worth hoping for - it is always the right decision at the time.
Don't waste any more time writing that top secret diary. It will make your toes curl in 30 years and is being read by your mum while you are at college anyway. You should write a book about a boy wizard instead.
Jaci Barton aged 51 and a quarter.
Have a great Christmas everyone and thanks for being with me through 2011!

Dating for the 21st Century

Dating services all over the UK will be struggling to keep up with demand in January. It is the busiest month of the year.
The reason is simple and fairly obvious – new year, new start, new beginning and, hopefully, new love.
Making New Year’s resolutions are things we do sometimes publicly and sometimes quietly. They can be “must get fit”, “must get slim”, “must stop smoking” – but the quiet one we whisper only to ourselves or our closest friend is “mustn’t spend Christmas on my own again”, “mustn’t waste another year with the wrong person”, “mustn’t keep pretending something will change without me doing anything to change it”.
The common fallacy is that singles are the ones who have nowhere to go and no one to go with and this is why they are single. The truth, however, is that 99 per cent of single people are the busiest people we know. They are out there personally and professionally, living life to the full, doing loads, enjoying wide social circles. They know plenty of people who know plenty more – and yet they haven’t found the one.
The reason for this is that we don’t meet people the way we used to. To find love these days, we have to be pro-active, creative and open to the way it is done in the 21st century.
The New Year’s Resolution for every single for 2012 should be – do something, anything, just make that change. The problem for those who are single and would prefer not to be is that it is a gap in life which has tentacles. It can mean big life plans on hold, major moments and events in life dulled by the lack of someone to share it with – and so the effect of that lack, that insignificant other, is a shadow over a small or large part of every corner of our lives.
It is still true that there is someone for everyone, it has been proved to be true so many times, but these days of fast living, remote working, dominant careers dictate that we need a particular way of finding them. So find the way that suits you and have a different resolution for 2013.

Is text or email ever the option?

Twenty years ago the coward's way out was to get a friend to do the dirty. Today we have the magic of text and email if we want to deliver bad news but haven't the courage to look someone in the eye when we are doing it.
Vanessa Feltz asked me the question on BBC Radio London the other day - is it ever acceptable to dump someone by email or text?
The answer isn't as simple as you might think. After one evening together or one quick date which wasn't comfortable for either party, it would probably be a relief to receive a text saying thank you but moving on. In that situation it is the least embarrassing option for both parties and far better than no message at all - the tempting but, again cowardly, way out.
What is unacceptable, even in this era of instant communication, is to fail to look in the eyes of someone you have had a meaningful relationship with when you end it.
Vanessa asked: "What if you have nothing more to say and nothing could possibly change your mind?"
The person you are leaving must be given the chance to ask questions they need answered before you move on. You may decide enough is enough, nothing more to be gained by going over old ground and be forced to bring that final conversation to a halt, but at least you won't be leaving them with issues which could prevent them moving on in the long term.

Ten signs that a relationship is probably over

1. You close your eyes and cannot see the two of you old together
2. Everything he says, even the most mundane, irritates you
3. Everything she does makes you question her motives
4. You can't be bothered turning up for the counselling session you agreed to
5. You lie in bed and imagine, without panic, a world without them in it
6. They never reply with anything like the answer you thought you would get
7. You can think of 10 ways your children would benefit from you living apart
8. You know you will never forgive them
9. You fantasise about them having an affair - the get out of jail free card
10.You close your eyes and still cannot remember how it felt in the beginning.

How open-minded are you?

The scientists tell us we come to the most conclusions about someone we are going to make in the first few minutes we meet.
I can believe it. I believe those first impressions are really valuable and should never be ignored but the key to a relationship is being flexible and open minded to the person you are with.
Sticking like superglue to those first vital minutes and those minutes only, however, can cost you dearly.It can blind you to the true width and depth of someone, the light and dark and all shades in between - all impossible to show in a few minutes.
The keys to finding, keeping and being successful in relationships are flexibility, open-mindedness, generosity of heart and spirit and a recognition that a perfect partnership doesn't need perfect people. In fact, quite the opposite.

Is it time to Make a Change?

A huge number of singles are recognising the need to be pro-active about finding love. They are online dating, speed dating, using a personal introductions system like Searchmate's or just joining the gym. The important thing is they are doing something about filling this gap in their lives.
And most single people have busy single lives, they aren't sitting at home waiting for him or her to walk through the door - and yet they still don't stumble into The One.
There are two essential first steps when you recognise you are single, really don't want to be and accept you need to think out of the box and actively do something about it.
1. Look at yourself and ask if you have your best foot forward - are you emotionally, mentally and literally going forward as the best that you can be? Finding love is nothing about how you look or what you wear but it can help you get over that first hurdle. Sustaining that relationship is then about your emotional health and strength, make sure that is looking good too.
2. Have you chosen your dating system to suit you or your pocket? Choosing the dating system for you is more than a question of what can I afford? It is a budget question, of course, but you are far better saving that little bit more and choosing a more expensive system if you are not suited to the cheaper one. It could be the best birthday or Christmas present you ever buy yourself so make sure it is the right one.
Watch this space for tips on choosing the right way forward for you.